To Tell the Truth?
How many conversations have you had with new friends where they ask you specific questions about child birth? "Were you pregnant in the heat of summer?", "Do you even remember the moment your child was born?", "What hospital did you give birth in?", "How much weight did you gain?"... The questions are endless and almost impossible to answer if you have not actually been through the experience yourself. The emotions it can cause vary from anger to stress. Do you lie? This is a new friend. They do not need to know everything about you, right? But what about 6 months later when they find out the truth.
Everyone is different and everyone has different ways of handling this situation. I, personally, am an open book. I could maybe brush over it and change the subject, but I can't be ready for every question. More often than not, I am caught off guard.
When my first daughter was born, 'I declared that no one should know that she is adopted unless it is necessary. When she is old enough she can tell who ever she wants, but it is not my story to tell.' Now I struggle with this. I never expected these questions to come about. I also never expected to meet so many people who had considered adoption for their own family.
So...
Question: "Were you pregnant in the heat of summer?"
Response: "No, I have never been pregnant. We were blessed through adoption."
Q: "What hospital did you give birth in?"
R: "Hmm, well, we went to XXX hospital to pick up our daughter."
Q: "Do you remember the moment that your child was born?"
R: "Well, no, but then I wasn't there. I didn't meet her until 4 days later."
Q: "How much weight did you gain during pregnancy?"
R: "Well, I was never pregnant, but I put on a little when I started making cookies all the time."
Yes, this does open a whole can of worms. Once adoption is in the open, the questions start flying. However, in today's society, adoption is much more excepted than it used to be. I have met many families who have been open about the fact that they would never adopt, yet they are supportive of others who have. The questions that I have gotten from friends about the adoption process have been great. If I hear a question that most of us would consider offensive or naive, I am thankful that it was asked. My family went through this process for two main reasons (our two daughters). However, throughout our individual lives we experience joyful and tragic events in order to share with others and help them through their own experiences.
Originally, my concern for sharing this information with others was for my children. I did not want other children making comments to them on the playground. Then I recognized that this is a part of who they are. It DOES NOT define them, but it is a part of their history and it is our responsibility to raise them with the understanding of what adoption is. My goal is to equip my children with the ability to answer questions and defend themselves as comments or questions occur.
Unless you adopt and then move to a place where no one knows you, there will always be a chance that someone will say something to your children about their adoption. How do you protect them? I have opted to educate; my children and the ones who spend time around them.
Everyone is different and everyone has different ways of handling this situation. I, personally, am an open book. I could maybe brush over it and change the subject, but I can't be ready for every question. More often than not, I am caught off guard.
When my first daughter was born, 'I declared that no one should know that she is adopted unless it is necessary. When she is old enough she can tell who ever she wants, but it is not my story to tell.' Now I struggle with this. I never expected these questions to come about. I also never expected to meet so many people who had considered adoption for their own family.
So...
Question: "Were you pregnant in the heat of summer?"
Response: "No, I have never been pregnant. We were blessed through adoption."
Q: "What hospital did you give birth in?"
R: "Hmm, well, we went to XXX hospital to pick up our daughter."
Q: "Do you remember the moment that your child was born?"
R: "Well, no, but then I wasn't there. I didn't meet her until 4 days later."
Q: "How much weight did you gain during pregnancy?"
R: "Well, I was never pregnant, but I put on a little when I started making cookies all the time."
Yes, this does open a whole can of worms. Once adoption is in the open, the questions start flying. However, in today's society, adoption is much more excepted than it used to be. I have met many families who have been open about the fact that they would never adopt, yet they are supportive of others who have. The questions that I have gotten from friends about the adoption process have been great. If I hear a question that most of us would consider offensive or naive, I am thankful that it was asked. My family went through this process for two main reasons (our two daughters). However, throughout our individual lives we experience joyful and tragic events in order to share with others and help them through their own experiences.
Originally, my concern for sharing this information with others was for my children. I did not want other children making comments to them on the playground. Then I recognized that this is a part of who they are. It DOES NOT define them, but it is a part of their history and it is our responsibility to raise them with the understanding of what adoption is. My goal is to equip my children with the ability to answer questions and defend themselves as comments or questions occur.
Unless you adopt and then move to a place where no one knows you, there will always be a chance that someone will say something to your children about their adoption. How do you protect them? I have opted to educate; my children and the ones who spend time around them.
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